2 weeks

It seems like it's been forever, yet it seems like it was 3 hours ago that he left. I'm not sure that I could ever have prepared myself for what it would be like with him away. I knew that I would MISS him, but had no idea what I would miss or how much.

It's no secret that Todd and I had our problems over the last couple of years. We have really been working hard on where we were going and making things okay. It seems that things finally got back on track and now he's gone. I think that has become the hardest part for me. Leaving our relationship in limbo for 4 months when we just got it all back. It really stinks.

I feel very lonely. I'm not sure if that would have been the same if this would have happened at another time and place in our lives. It's hard living here without family and familiar friends....the ones who really know me. My neighbors just suck. They are nice people and all, but no one that i feel I could trust or talk with. Certainly not people who could help me with my kids...whatever the hell that means anyway. We aren't people who really leave our kids anyway, so I'm not sure that there is helping to be done.

I do miss adult companionship. Thankfully, I've met a wonderful woman named Ginger, who is the wife of a sweet man, Kris (otherwise known in our house as K-RIS...Todd gives everyone a knickname!). Kris works with Todd and is also deploying in a few weeks. It's nice to have met them because I finally feel like there is someone in this place that I've connected with. Someone that I could have a decent friendship with and that feels good. It's only taken a year...geez! Who knew that it was so freaking difficult to make friends!

My mom will be here in just a couple of weeks. I wonder if I'll make it sometimes. I just feel like I will breakdown before then.....no, of course I won't really....but I can say that I am pretty tired of "staying strong" and "making it work" and "taking care of everything". I'd love to have a few drinks, and pass out for a couple of hours....ha!

In anycase, my thoughts are everywhere tonight. I really miss him. I really really really really really miss him. It's great that we talk almost every day, but it's not the same as having him here. I'm the most lonely at night, which is silly because he is usually in bed way before me anyway, but after the girls are in bed, I wish he could be here hanging out with me...watching TV or a movie...it's when I miss him the most. I miss having conversations about nothing in particular. I miss making our plans for the week coming up. Heck, I miss him blowing his nose every 3 minutes. Just the every day stuff that we always take for granted. I miss it. All of it.

2 weeks? really?