I have to concentrate on the positive. It's the only way I feel like I can get through this. I have to be strong for my girls, no matter how hard it really is for me. YES, they can see me be sad, but NO they can not see me BREAK DOWN. I have to save that for private. They have to know that they can count on me to be here and take care of them.
I got used to the idea of my husband volunteering for this trip. It took a LONG time for me to warm up to it. I mean, HOW could one ever WANT to leave his family for four months when he didn't have to? But, with a LOT of late nights and much talking, I discovered all of the wonderful reasons that he would want to do this. You see....I have one of the good ones. He felt that he never got to "do his part" as a soldier, and now that he had the chance to help with something so important to him, he wanted to do it. This is his dream, career wise. This is a chance for him to feel like he means something to more than just his family and friends. He is AMAZING at what he does, and I have no doubt that he will make a difference. Our job then, is to live without his presence for four months. Not an easy task.
Today went pretty much the way that it seemed it might. We had a great time just doing things around the house. The girls, T and I went out for lunch at one of our favorite new places, 54th Street Bar and Grill. The girls sat at the bar and played touch screen (a fun new passtime with daddy), and we had a couple of drinks (to help us relax??). We came home, watched/helped daddy pack, then it was off to the airport.
It was harder for him, he said, than he thought it would be. Saying goodbye to a five and three year old who adore you must be one of the most difficult things on earth. It was so hard to watch him hug those girls....to KNOW what was in his heart at the moment was unbearable to me. I could do NOTHING to help. Part of the process. Over now. Thank God.
I didn't like leaving the airport. It was like we were leaving him...on his own....without our support. He knows that our thoughts are always with and of him, though. It just felt so strange to know that we wouldn't see him again for so long. Not real. I'm not sure it is still. The house feels empty, but I can not fatham that it will be this way for the next 118 days. Too hard to wrap my head around.
With the help of God and my friends and family, I will get us through this. We are so lucky. To have a man in our lives that is such a good role model for what is right. To only have to be without him for four short months, compared to the year + that so many military families endure. To know that we will be able to hear his voice, exchange emails and maybe even see his face on a webcam now and again. We are so very lucky.
The girls and I went to gym class. We had dinner out. We came home. When Kara saw daddy's truck in the driveway, she yelled exctiedly, "Daddy's home!!". I wasn't prepared for that....overwhelming sadness. They opened the scooters that daddy left for them and were so terribly excited, but still sad. I didn't think they would really express their sadness so much. I thought they wouldn't "get it" really. Leah is especially having a hard time. She was awake until 9:40, only going to sleep after daddy called from Dulles to say he was on the plane to leave the country and wish her a good night with love. Kara seems to be bouncing back from the tears she shed at the airport ("I dont' want daddy to go to his work").
I sit here trying hard to keep my mind busy. I know that if I let it wonder I will be neck deep in tissues. I'll track his flight to feel better, but won't really until I hear from HIM that he has arrived safely to his destination. 2 hours down, 10.5 to go. Sweet dreams.
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