When kids get angry

So, everyone who knows me knows how much I can't STAND to hear my girls cry. I don't like it when they're upset, even when it's 'for their own good'....which means that tonight really sucked for me.

Kara does not seem to agree with me that not having a boob in her mouth to go to sleep should be our common goal. I was trying a gentle approach, lying down with her and nursing her to almost sleeping and asking her to turn over. It was going so-so, and sometimes she would really get mad about letting go, and I would give in, until she was super tired and couldn't argue, and that wasn't *really* getting us anywhere.

So, last night wasn't too bad.

Tonight, however, was HORRENDOUS! She was *so* mad at me and she was *so* upset. I knew, though, that if I ever want this to happen, I had to follow it through. I'm not denying her nursing (though, that really is my goal). I know that with her daddy gone, it is too much to ask that she give that up right now. I'm okay with that. I stuck to my guns. She nursed while we read a story with Leah and then she fired up. About 45 minutes later, she is finally asleep (thanks to some stand up bouncing from mommy) and somehow, her sister, who can't fall asleep with any kind of distractions, fell asleep amid the angry yells from Kara that she "wanted nursies" and "mommy you're mean".

Please, please, please tell me that night 2 is the WORST!?!?! I feel awful. I know that she's okay. I know that this is something that needs to be done for us. I know that in the morning she will be fine. I also know that breaking your own daughter's heart is hard and it sucks. It also sucks not to have a daddy here to help me do this.

Now I'm second guessing if I should just wait until he can help. I wonder if when he comes back, she would go to sleep for him and there wouldn't be any of this nonsense. After all, I'M the one who created this sleep association for her and let it go on this long. It's really not easy for her to fall asleep for mommy with boobs right in front of her. Maybe it's because I feel guilty that she was so sad. Maybe it's because my emotions aren't just silly this time and they might have it right.

Maybe I'll wait until tomorrow and decide.