Skipped yesterday.
Treadmill Day #4:
23 minutes
212 calories
1.68 miles
1 mile jogging 11 min/mi pace!! (with a .1 mile sprint at the end!!)
6.6.08
4.6.08
Dear God
Help me to get better at this. Guide me in a way that I can help my children deal with their daddy being away. Be with us so that we may come together as a family and be strong. Amen.
Today is just one of those days that I am done. I want to run and hide and pretend that I'm a child again. I want someone to take care of me. I want a grown up who knows how to do this to take care of my girls. I can't possibly deal with things when I don't have a clue what to do to make them okay.
The girls are having a VERY hard time adjusting to being at Grandma's house. So much so, that I'm second guessing our coming here. For me, it's mostly better because I'm not alone. However, it's really hard when it comes time for BED. In Saint Louis, we'd just gotten into a grove and finally had it all down. Uno. Brush teeth, potty, bath. Books. ABC game (mostly Kara nursed here). Bed for Kara. Once she was sleeping, Leah and I did another book or two, laid down and talked then she went to sleep. Everyone was out by 9 and that was that.
Let's just say that at 10:15 (MO time), my girls are finally sleeping. One or the other of them has had a MAJOR tantrum after dinner/before bed for every night that we've been here. I dont' know exactly WHY, other than, gee...daddy being gone, being away from their house and routine, having a grandmother who (although she loves them to death) seems to feel like she needs to show me how to be a better mom by constantly "putting my girls in their place". I'm having some REAL issues with that, I have to say. Sometimes I just don't get where she is coming from, or why she feels the need to be so in charge. We have different feelings on kids and the way to deal with many things. For some reason, apparently in her house she won't respect my ways, but rather, she'll make up the rules. My poor girls are suffering for it, and they must be so freaking confused.
So, after tonight, Kara FREAKING out more than I;ve ever seen. Me getting upset, her upset, Leah feeling bad for Kara and me. Kara hitting me, me spanking Kara...the list goes on.....I've decided that it's just going to have to be all about those girls from me while we're away. I know that things need to stay somewhat "normal", but that's out the window at this point. I will try my best to just be with them so that the three of us can get through this. To hell with pretty much anything else.
I really really could have used Todd to lean on today. If he were here, these problems wouldn't have existed. Sometimes I'm pretty pissed off about that. I do understand, but hope he knows what these girls are going through for him, and our country (in a weird way). He's not the only one sacrificing. I hate that my girls didn't have a choice about it,
Today is just one of those days that I am done. I want to run and hide and pretend that I'm a child again. I want someone to take care of me. I want a grown up who knows how to do this to take care of my girls. I can't possibly deal with things when I don't have a clue what to do to make them okay.
The girls are having a VERY hard time adjusting to being at Grandma's house. So much so, that I'm second guessing our coming here. For me, it's mostly better because I'm not alone. However, it's really hard when it comes time for BED. In Saint Louis, we'd just gotten into a grove and finally had it all down. Uno. Brush teeth, potty, bath. Books. ABC game (mostly Kara nursed here). Bed for Kara. Once she was sleeping, Leah and I did another book or two, laid down and talked then she went to sleep. Everyone was out by 9 and that was that.
Let's just say that at 10:15 (MO time), my girls are finally sleeping. One or the other of them has had a MAJOR tantrum after dinner/before bed for every night that we've been here. I dont' know exactly WHY, other than, gee...daddy being gone, being away from their house and routine, having a grandmother who (although she loves them to death) seems to feel like she needs to show me how to be a better mom by constantly "putting my girls in their place". I'm having some REAL issues with that, I have to say. Sometimes I just don't get where she is coming from, or why she feels the need to be so in charge. We have different feelings on kids and the way to deal with many things. For some reason, apparently in her house she won't respect my ways, but rather, she'll make up the rules. My poor girls are suffering for it, and they must be so freaking confused.
So, after tonight, Kara FREAKING out more than I;ve ever seen. Me getting upset, her upset, Leah feeling bad for Kara and me. Kara hitting me, me spanking Kara...the list goes on.....I've decided that it's just going to have to be all about those girls from me while we're away. I know that things need to stay somewhat "normal", but that's out the window at this point. I will try my best to just be with them so that the three of us can get through this. To hell with pretty much anything else.
I really really could have used Todd to lean on today. If he were here, these problems wouldn't have existed. Sometimes I'm pretty pissed off about that. I do understand, but hope he knows what these girls are going through for him, and our country (in a weird way). He's not the only one sacrificing. I hate that my girls didn't have a choice about it,
Why can't I just relax?
More on the details later. I had to type out a few things so that I don't forget to talk about them.
-I'm tough attitude
-Cooking
-feeling like I don't belong. I'm a snob
-Happy to be with family. Nice to be distracted. Wish it weren't so blah.
-I'm tough attitude
-Cooking
-feeling like I don't belong. I'm a snob
-Happy to be with family. Nice to be distracted. Wish it weren't so blah.
Workout #3
Day 3 on treadmill:
23 minutes
211 calories
1.65 miles
1 mile jogging 11 min/mi pace!!
**NO, it wasn't a whole mile at once, but three different pieces...
.55, recover, .25, recover, .2, recover
My goal by the time Todd comes back is to be able to run a 5K with him. NO, I don't have to do it FAST or even without walking some, just mostly jog 3.2 miles. Ultimately, I would like to do it all at once without recovering in between, but I don't know that it is realistic to expect that by the time he comes home knowing that I'm only going to have access to a treadmill for 4-6 weeks....unless Kara all of the sudden decides that going to the gym daycare isn't so scary for her.
23 minutes
211 calories
1.65 miles
1 mile jogging 11 min/mi pace!!
**NO, it wasn't a whole mile at once, but three different pieces...
.55, recover, .25, recover, .2, recover
My goal by the time Todd comes back is to be able to run a 5K with him. NO, I don't have to do it FAST or even without walking some, just mostly jog 3.2 miles. Ultimately, I would like to do it all at once without recovering in between, but I don't know that it is realistic to expect that by the time he comes home knowing that I'm only going to have access to a treadmill for 4-6 weeks....unless Kara all of the sudden decides that going to the gym daycare isn't so scary for her.
3.6.08
The trip
Driving from Saint Louis, MO to Elderton, PA seems like a normal thing to do, to me. My neighbors (as well as others in MO) seemed to think that I was rather foolish for packing up myself, a 5 year old and a 3 year old, and two cats (14 and 13) for the (what turned out to be a) 13 hour trip. 701 miles. I drove the whole thing. I'm proud!
My mom came with us so she could help when the girls needed things, but they are needing things less and less on our trips. They really are seasoned travelers, and that makes me feel proud! I don't want my girls to be the type to sit around and never travel more than 30 miles from where they were born. There are so many people (esp in this place) who seem to be content to be like that. I can't imagine. Thank God.
The girls watched DVDs, mom and I planned a few things about our cruise (Feb 2009), we all played the ABC game, and some car BINGO. It was (dare I say it?) FUN!
Now, how I feel about leaving MO for so long? More on that later. I thought it was going to be a good thing...now I'm not so sure? I reserve the right to make a judgement on that a few days from now when I see if things around my mom's house change. The girls are having all of the behavior issues that they had when Todd left. They are trying hard to adjust to having grandparents around to help disipline (and having these grandparents who are hell bent on disiplining (did I spell that right?) them is ROUGH on them). Kara had a horrible melt down the first night (tired did NOT help) and today Leah melted down as well. I think I just need to spend some one on one time with them, just playing and TOUCHING Leah (Leah seems to respond well to physical touch...Kara HATES it when she's upset)...go figure...they are opposite about everything in life.
All in all...things are okay. It's still lonely missing Todd, but at least I'm not alone anymore. If that makes any sense at all.
Now to make our plans for the next few weeks. Need to head down to VA, then to Todd's mom's in PA, then to my sister's house for a while. Back here, then we're back to MO and waiting for Leah to start Kindergarten. Then, shortly after, Todd is home and VACATION TO DISNEY it is!!!! Can't wait.
My mom came with us so she could help when the girls needed things, but they are needing things less and less on our trips. They really are seasoned travelers, and that makes me feel proud! I don't want my girls to be the type to sit around and never travel more than 30 miles from where they were born. There are so many people (esp in this place) who seem to be content to be like that. I can't imagine. Thank God.
The girls watched DVDs, mom and I planned a few things about our cruise (Feb 2009), we all played the ABC game, and some car BINGO. It was (dare I say it?) FUN!
Now, how I feel about leaving MO for so long? More on that later. I thought it was going to be a good thing...now I'm not so sure? I reserve the right to make a judgement on that a few days from now when I see if things around my mom's house change. The girls are having all of the behavior issues that they had when Todd left. They are trying hard to adjust to having grandparents around to help disipline (and having these grandparents who are hell bent on disiplining (did I spell that right?) them is ROUGH on them). Kara had a horrible melt down the first night (tired did NOT help) and today Leah melted down as well. I think I just need to spend some one on one time with them, just playing and TOUCHING Leah (Leah seems to respond well to physical touch...Kara HATES it when she's upset)...go figure...they are opposite about everything in life.
All in all...things are okay. It's still lonely missing Todd, but at least I'm not alone anymore. If that makes any sense at all.
Now to make our plans for the next few weeks. Need to head down to VA, then to Todd's mom's in PA, then to my sister's house for a while. Back here, then we're back to MO and waiting for Leah to start Kindergarten. Then, shortly after, Todd is home and VACATION TO DISNEY it is!!!! Can't wait.
Workout number 2
Day 2 on treadmill:
33 minutes
215 calories
1.8 miles
.65 miles jogging at avg of 11 min/mi pace
I was on the phone with the new momma, Chinell for the first 20 minutes of workout, so didn't have a super high pace then.
Update on Baby Peyton: She's doing very well, but still in the NICU. Chinell said that they should be able to bring her home by the end of the week. She has nursed twice and is a natural! Please keep the prayers coming.
Updates on our journey East later when I find a few minutes where the girls don't need me and I'm not freaking tired!
33 minutes
215 calories
1.8 miles
.65 miles jogging at avg of 11 min/mi pace
I was on the phone with the new momma, Chinell for the first 20 minutes of workout, so didn't have a super high pace then.
Update on Baby Peyton: She's doing very well, but still in the NICU. Chinell said that they should be able to bring her home by the end of the week. She has nursed twice and is a natural! Please keep the prayers coming.
Updates on our journey East later when I find a few minutes where the girls don't need me and I'm not freaking tired!
2.6.08
Workouts starting
Treadmill Day 1: 25 min (including warm up/cool down)
211 calories burned
1.6 miles
.5 mile jogged at 10 min mile pace
211 calories burned
1.6 miles
.5 mile jogged at 10 min mile pace
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